Leroy stood in line at the store, with everything on his list, nothing more, nothing less. He would painstakingly research the store fliers, make his lists of groceries and supplies, and go shopping each month. He had never bought an item that wasn’t on the list, which is why his wife of twenty years, Myrtle, was leaving him. She said, on his way out the door to procure the necessary items that she needed to be with someone who didn’t need to plan their lives down to the minute details. Leroy had laughed and shook his head – that Myrtle.  He had banned her from leaving their house, disconnected the television, the phone, and their internet because she was the complete opposite – she couldn’t stop impulsively buying things.  He’d like to see the man who would put up with this craziness – hell, at this point, Leroy thought, he would sell Myrtle to the highest bidder.

Leroy left Old Navy with his camouflage colored cargo pants.  They were on sale 2 for $30 and a steal at that price, especially since he always wore camouflage cargo pants and a black shirt. He felt it was the perfect contrast for a pacifist artist activist who didn’t believe in war. He made his way to the local WalMart to pick up Myrtle’s vitamins, again a company he hated patronizing, but he hated wasting money even more than he hated giving money to evil corporations.

He pulled into his parking spot, ensured his car was secure, then walked up to the entry of the store.  The door slid open, making that sound it always did – the sound that made you think, as you were blasted with freezing air, that you were stepping onto a spacecraft.  The people in WalMart were aliens, and he was a visitor from a strange planet sent to record their nefarious movements and actions.  Leroy made his way to the back of the store. While he never deviated from the plan in the past, he felt himself pulled to the back of the store.

When he got there, he was assailed by the sporting goods section.   The fishing poles, rifles, and baseball bats called to him.  He’d never been a sporty man.  In fact, he’d never fired a gun or cast a line.  However, he felt like suddenly he’d been missing out on a whole phenomenon of manliness. Leroy picked up a rifle and looked at it briefly before putting it back.  He wondered if someone bought the gun and killed someone if his fingerprints would appear on the weapon.  He quickly wiped his prints from the gun using his handkerchief.  He picked up pole after pole in the fishing aisle of the store, but none of them felt right.  Finally, he found a wooden bat – heavy enough to break in a mailbox like those damn kids did every year, but a sporting good that he could really put his hands on.  He then picked up a glove, a ball, knee pads and determined that he should get basketball and soccer gear as well.  A clerk saw him and procured one shopping cart after another.  Leroy soon filled the cart with sporting goods – including the rifle he had put back, ammunition, fishing poles, a variety of flies and hooks, footballs, and weight equipment.  When he finally made it to the checkout line, he had purchased more than eight thousand dollars’ worth of sporting equipment including camping supplies, hunting supplies, archery sets, exercise equipment, and more.  He handed over his “in case of emergencies” card to the cashier, talked to the confused banker on the phone, and made off with his purchases.  He tried to explain his reasoning for purchasing the equipment, but no words would come out.  The one thing Leroy didn’t purchase was the one thing he had gone to WalMart for – Myrtle’s vitamins. When Leroy got home and unloaded the truck, he was so enraptured by placing the sporting goods that he didn’t realize that she didn’t come great him as she usually did. He didn’t notice the blood on the carpet, or the man watching him from the corner.  He just kept unloading. It wasn’t until he brought in the last two items, the rifle and the ammunition in that he realized a strange man was in his house.